Beginnings and Endings

I’m amazed that the emotions stirred by the beginnings and endings in life are all relative, for example, the start of World War 2 terrible, the end wonderful, the beginning of a relationship amazing, the end heart breaking. While one person rejoices over the birth of child in the east hospital wing, somebody mourns the loss of a loved one in west hospital wing. I’ve learnt to appreciate both.

My appreciation for the beginnings and endings in life began when towards the end of the final year of my degree a Professor asked me if I’d like to have started my degree with the knowledge that I now possess. At first I thought this was brilliant idea but after some thought I realized that all I’d be doing was trying to prevent the inevitable and that was the end of my degree. Even though part of me wanted to get better grades, I can’t deny the fact that I simply didn’t want my degree to end. I couldn’t bare to think about the years I’d invested into my degree were now coming to an end.

I heard somebody say that wisdom is the ability to foresee consequences, and as I thought more about what the professor had said I came to the conclusion and if I did turn back time not only would I start my degree with more academic knowledge but I’d also understand of how it feels to invest so much into something only to know it will soon end. Although I know my degree will end before I even attend my first lecture I could never really understand at the time how much that would affect me until the final term was coming to a close. However, if I did decide to turn back time then I’m faced with the prospect of not starting my degree at all in order to avoid the pain of it ending.

Another more recent example that has made me appreciate both the beginnings and endings in life was the fact that earlier this year my family and I moved cities and left my girlfriend of whom I had been dating for over three years behind. I arrived in my new city and I hadn’t been there long before we discovered that we really like each other, so I decided to return only to have her leave me seven months on. And so the question returns, would I turn back time to before I left my new city with the knowledge that she would leave me seven months later, or do I go a step further and turn back time to November 2002 and not date her at all? Of course not. I’m finally beginning to understand the famous saying that says its better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Even if she hadn’t broken up with me and we got married and lived happily for forty years she would pass away eventually. Just like there is nothing I can do to stop the sun from the rising in the morning and setting in the afternoon, there was nothing I could do to save my relationship and as much I as enjoy the saying ‘It’s not over till I say it’s over’ I could deny that it’s ended as much as I can deny that the sun will set today, to put it simply, everything that has a beginning has an end. Regardless of the fact that sometimes events and relationships don’t end the way you want them to they end nevertheless, and the more you invest into something the harder it is when it ends but if you allow this pain to stop you from investing into new relationships then you’ll waste your life. I guess all you can do is live for the moment because if I’d let fear of it ending stop me from dating her I’d have missed out on the best four years of my life.

Therefore since I can’t change or deny this fact, all I can do is live between these two inevitable boundaries of human life. Just like everything that has a beginning has an end, everything that ends creates space for something new to begin. I’m never out of options, I’m never short of opportunities, and I pray that I may have the strength to deal with the things that have ended, and the eyes to see the things that are just beginning.

Timothy Tiger Bailey